Confessions.

These are the confessions of a stay at home mom. Sometimes I love this job, no wait, I love this job ALL the time, but some days are terrible, you know? And some days are just magical. It's hard being a mommy, and until you do it, I don't expect others to fully comprehend. It's the weight of responsibilty that is stressful. I have to constantly remind myself: these children are God's, not mine. I can help mold them, but in the end, their salvation is in HIS hands. Sometimes I struggle with my identity. I don't have an (outside) job, I don't sew, I'm not an entrepreneur. I have lots of talents, but don't have time to use them. Where DOES my time go, by the way? I love to scrapbook, be crafty, and yet, I struggle to put my children's photo albums together before their first birthday. My toilets usually have pink rings, my furniture is dusty. Sometimes, I just scrape the crumbs off the table and onto the floor as if it's a restaurant and not my own house. That's weird and hilarious to me. It seems I am a glutton for babies and motherhood, I love it, am obsessed with it, and yes, I want more (kids). And yes, they will probably be close in age (no I'm not pregnant). Why, you ask? I have no idea. It's just a desire God gave me. Sometimes I feel lazy, like what am I doing with my day (?), but at dusk, my achy body reminds me I must have done SOMETHING. Something like changed diapers, read books, wrestled on the floor, taught about Jesus, cleaned up spills (lots), lugged groceries, kissed boo-boos, prepared breakfast, lunch and dinner, did laundry, cleaned (?), officiated 5 million time outs etc, etc, etc. As a mom, it's amazing how 2 sweet minutes from your child can erase 2 horrific hours just prior. I confess. I wear minimal makeup, barely fix my hair, sweep crumbs to the floor, spend countless minutes "straightening up," feed my toddler chicken nuggets, do things I swore I'd never do, and somewhere in the back of my frazzled, baby fried brain, I remember, my God called me to this beautiful, messy life of motherhood. Some days are good, some days aren't, but in the end, it's ALL worth it, because I love my job, and my children. And, I really do.